I'm really debating whether or not to post this, as it puts me in a very vulnerable position. But y'all, I feel like as a "healthy living blogger", I'm supposed to have it together all the time, but I simply don't. I want to really let y'all know me, and hopefully writing about this will not only help me, but possibly help y'all as well. Thank you for reading.
I Make Mistakes
I'm not perfect. Not in the absolute slightest. I don't say this because for some reason I expect y'all to think I am, I just wanted to make sure I got that out of the way as soon as possible.
When I look back at my previous posts, I am very proud of how far I've come in the one month I've been blogging. I may not have a gazillion readers, or fifty-thousand comments per post, but I read through my work and feel good about myself. I've put my heart into this and have really tried hard to make this blog as exciting and fun to read as possible.
However, when I look back, I also see just how happy each post is. I see how many exclamation points I use (which is a lot), and what tone of language I write with. Now while this is all from my perspective and my point of view, I do feel as if this isn't always me.
I'm a normal human being. I'm not always 100% happy, and I make more than enough mistakes. I'm sure y'all are wondering what brought this suddenly serious post on, and as much as I don't want to talk about this, I feel like it needs discussing.
As a healthy-living blogger, I feel compelled to eat healthy as much as possible, and exercise when ever I can; which happens the majority of the time. In fact, I'd really like to thank you, because y'all actually keep me quite accountable, and I really appreciate it. However, I have moments where a switch just flips in me, and I have no motivation whatsoever to eat healthy or move.
Truthfully, one of those moments was yesterday evening. The reason I didn't post anything? I was too busy standing in the pantry "enjoying" waaaay too much....everything. Popcorn, chocolate (chocolate chips are a big problem), cereal, granola....you name it, I probably reached for it. I don't really understand why I did, I just did. My thought process was along the lines of, "You only live once" and "I don't care", and "I exercised this morning! I deserve this!"
I know a lot of people have moments like these. Late night overeating is a common problem in America. However, after I finally got myself to plop down on the couch with an over-expanded gut, and a very depressed-feeling mindset, I just felt icky. I felt as if I'm lying to y'all. I don't always have it all together, and I hate that I've been writing as if I think I do.
Have I probably gained a couple pounds from yesterday? Yes. Will I be stepping on a scale to find out exactly how many? Absolutely not. Not until I feel a bit more like myself. I'm not actually depressed or anything, and I'll be fine, however, I just really don't like the feeling of failure. Then again, who does?
The most important thing I know I should be doing right now, is letting go. Accept what I did, and move on. Today will consist of a light breakfast (not just to get a start on making up for those boatload of extra calories, but also because I'm still extremely full), and probably some exercise later on, if I can manage it.
I'm sorry for the sudden personal-ness, and forgive me if reading about people's personal problems isn't your kind of thing (just bring on the rabbit-food and 4 miles, already!), but I wanted to write about this not only for y'all to understand my imperfections, but also as a way of letting go for myself. Thank you for reading.